Something hit me strong and hard today.

(at *this* point in time, this is what I feel)

I suddenly feel that I cannot commit to someone for life, because I am constantly changing. Yes, I might marry a man who embraces changes too and you will ask "so what is the problem here?". The problem is, what if we don't change at the same pace, the same way? Just because we're one, we're a couple, we live under the same roof, does not mean we'll go through the same experiences (and even if we do, we will react differently).

Friends come and go. Because we change, we grow up in different environments, we realise our views are different and we move on. But when you choose to commit to a person for life, you cannot do that, you can't move on.

So do we marry someone only when WE know our personality won't change much and HIS personality won't change much? But still, under circumstances, (eg. your ego-filled husband gets fired from job), people still change. And change to become incompatible with you. What will happen next?

We start dating in university and move on to marriage. Surely, it is not possible that the person you're dating now at the age of 21, 22, 23 will not change. People say that we should always work things out between two people, but I feel it is so tiring and at the end of the day, you think - what for? Why work so hard to compromise?

Sometimes I feel we compromise and give in due to loneliness and fear - afraid to die alone, afraid of pressure from family, afraid of being the outcast (friends all married with children and you still single).

Sometimes I think failed marriages are essentially due to the incompatibility of two beings, the rest are just triggering factors. Surely, he will meet someone better than you, but if he is satisfied he will never run away from you.


It is only possible to commit to a man who is exactly the same as you, will change the same way as you do. But that is impossible. Because I do not know who I will be in years to come as well. What is commitment? What is love? A relationship?

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That said, I very much want a good, healthy marriage in the future. Or actually, all I want is the wisdom to know how to handle relationships/friendships properly. But regarding marriage, it just seems so.. impossible right now. Well, I'm still young.

Maybe because I'm still in a state of change and cannot understand the world fully with my lens that is not fully developed. Maybe that's why people generally get married after they're 26.

I have so much more to learn.